*SIGH

I keep on listening this 'Mystery' song in the middle of the night. I shouldn't let myself to think about ___ tonight, but I do. shit.
Wanting to dance real bad in the middle of the night is somewhat a problem too yeah? I'm listening to songs and musics,and I wanna dance so bad.... BUT,it's 1 am already. aaaaa=="

Do you know these boys?

So,I'll post some photos left in my bb since months ago. *Sorry for their quality,I captured them with lappie's camera from my phone's monitor ='3 *
Before these memories fade away,before they're forgotten and before we miss it, I think it's better for me to post it here. I'll miss them . For sure. =]

B3?

Mami..

Awan!

Randut =3

Borby XD

K! =]

There are some other photos too taken from Bb's camera... I'll post it soon. *if I remember ya .hehe*

P.S. These boys should just find jobs in SM Entertainment, they may have replace that SNSD *Mr.Taxi~ Taxi~ Taxi~~* ahahhahahhaha XDDD

When I come back home, I think.

Hi,B~
I'm home. I wonder why do I feel sleepy so early these days?
Anyway,let me introduce you a brand I've just known yesterday :

and ofcourse,there's one fav thing I have from it. kekekekeke~ =3

but still, that 'happy' doesn't last forever. Now I don't know how to recover, for shopping and doing things I used to do to recover my mood don't fix this situation of mine at all.

Maybe this is going to be my-soon-school

Now I'm searching for my passion. Where are you? =S

Here I am

I'm sitting infront of this little heavy thing I'm typing on. It used to be silver, but it's now covered in purple. I don't know why I get this sudden sad everytime I try to type something inside you, B.... will it always be like this?
=(
Everything has started its path,moving in any direction, I'm moving too, but I still have those hopes.
I'm writing a letter, a letter which I begin with a green piece. I wrote a sentence and I stopped,  don't know how to begin my feeling in it, to spill it out in papers seems to be as hard as to type in texts, and to talk about it from my mouth. I guess I still believe that nothing happens when I meet ___. =] I hope this is just my silly negative feeling inside me. just say what you wanna say,don't do this to me. Keep on guessing and    hoping are not my game... I plan to write some other letters if I NEED to... I think I will write those others to. Today I bought some things I searched for days,hehe,I guess I have this little pleasure and satisfaction this afternon-evening. I bought that 'round' thing too,something someone wants since last December? haha. It's simple, ofcourse blue, like what he choosed, yet I really fallen for the 'With Love' one, its only one left leh~~~~ T^T I hope this blue won't dissapoint me lah.. =3
I'm looking forward for that day, I'm hoping to have a wonderful day to spend,you know,that's why I want it to be true. =] When everything you do with others can't make you happy for a whole day,this is the last thing I hope can fix my day.
So,the last thing to do while I'm in Spore now is to look for a thing that best to describe that person who will get that green letter as his/her first letter. I'm still confuse,whether to give that letter or not. I don't want things to be worse when actually that's all only come from my mind,my thoughts and not the real things happen. But usually what I feel is true. =SS Let's pray that all of those 'weird syndromes' only come from my mind. >< *finger crossed*

Okay,if I keep on typing then I guess I'll spill out things that shouldn't be typed here. hehe.
This is all I have for today =X

"If someone doesn't tell you something, doesn't mean he's lying. Ask yourself first: Are you a good listener? "
this one punched my heart. =]

How come?

See, although we are actually joking right now, I'm already sad thinking about not having a person like you in months,we should call it in days, cause it's not exactly monthsss left for us to be this close. =')
I don't know, I'm pretty clueless about myself. I'm dying to know what I feel right now. Am I mad?furious?or what? Somebody guess it for me please.
Another story :
One of my listener slept over at my place yesterday, we talked about tons of things that we only slept for 3 hours, we talked till 5.30am,and we still antusiastic in sharing. That was when I felt that I need to build lots of new things,start those broken things in these past months and fix everything, may God walk with me... I share lots of things, but honestly, I still miss other moments when I share things like this at night. Things have been flat for months.... I guess it's because there are lots of 'you' leaving my life.
I'm pretty confuse in signing La Salle's student contract, I'm scared. how come? I'm too in doubt that I'll take the best path for myself. can you tell me what to do? I'm tired for I always giving thought, yet no one ever give me one here... =(


The one who's clueless and sad about leaving you you and you
Caris C

Go

So what have I done that make me like this?
What did I do that make me feel this way?
Go away my feeling,GO!
I hate to nurture such feeling inside me.

It's not full

Rain.

It's empty.

what do you think about your friends?????? :)

some are amazing, some are fakes, some are inspirations, but they are all price-less. =] *cannot be treated with anything*

Ask me anything

Who?

I wanna talk. I need to.
But who?
they don't even care, so who...

may i?

umm...I don't really get this. What excuse are you asking to me,______? *sorry,blank,idk who you are...*

Ask me anything

So why must you?

I feel so awful, I don't think I should come up with this kind of 'problem' to be talked to you, but this weeks has been pretty abnormal I think. Some things change AGAIN.

I guess He hasn't received my email yet,right? =(

I describe myself as a fail, am I this doubtful person?

Yeah yeah, I know that I'm not actually needed. I know. 

You don't need me anymore.

Maybe lose some interest in me? whatever.

I tend to feel so useless that myself can't stand it any longer.

What's this? Come on.

why don't I post things these days?
because it still feels the same.
here. inside me.

stop denying, stop lying, stop pretending, stop giving that face when all you mean is nothing. it hurts more than not knowing anything.

What's this???

I have had this feeling for days. wth. I hate it. =="

Insist myself

I insist myself, for I know things won't grow to any better way. I must make sure that I close every single door I have right now.
I'm learning  to face everything as calm as I can.
close my eyes from that desire to see.
close my heart from that desire to know and feel.
close my mind from prejudice.
I hate myself from feeling this way, from becoming a man that need to know things I  need not know. Things that are not my bussiness to know.
I hate to be treated like this.
Useless.

Is it me? Idk.

I don't know. I really don't know.
It's not like we are in the 9th grade, when there're still 10th 11th and 12th. We are now obviously standing in the end, having our last chance.
I hate this needle which stays and grows inside my heart, it hurts when it starts to work.
Maybe this is all about me. About me who has been a very selfish person until today.

I'm proud

" I'm a FULL TOVARISCH , 3/4 of QUEST"

and I'm damn proud of it

It's not like I'm not putting any efforts for Quest, it's just tiring, you know. You people should start learning how to appreciate others.

It's not like forever people can live with unlimited patience. 

It's not even a month yet, we have started to become pieces, like it or not, my friends, you decide. However, just admit it, that we are not as solid as people thought we are.

Boys of Tovarisch

Girls of Tovarisch

Quest

Can't you see the difference? =]

What should I named this post?

And this kind of day comes again. The day when my mood stands in the middle, between sad,furious,happy, and feeling-less. I don't know what kind of situation I am in.
Am I disappointed as myself can't be a trustworthy person for others or what?
I'm so devastated everytime I meet this condition of myself, I don't know what I want actually, what kind of ME which is behaving  now. I don't know why I treat people like how I treat them presently, and who/what am I considering them as?
As what a friend of mine suggested to me, he said maybe I can't be trusted by 'some' persons because I don't even try to trust them. Actually, I trust that person we were talking about back then, but it seems until the end of my school life, I can't get any 'trust' in whatever this person is trying to say. Frankly, I get more frustated as I often feel mad at myself when I'm treated like this, am I this dull? am I this unreliable? am I this bad? I kinda feel like I'm a fail as a friend,you know, whatever you call a friend is. I don't even consider that best-friend exist anymore.
I try not to involve into others life deeper then it should be, I'm tired, trying to know others more then other people do is tiring, you know. Maybe some said this kind of habit as 'care' , but I begin to realize that what I have done can be categorized as annoying, yes? =="
It seems like people don't need this kind of friend anyway. I'm tired doing this. really. I'm stupid enough,okay.