When will Carissa Clarence learn to be responsible ?

Hi there, everyone

Saw your responses on my past post. Thankyou for encouraging me, people. I do appreciate your advices and notes. :) *trying to put a smile on my face* I am sitting on the floor of my bedroom while typing this. Fed up by every single things happening in my college life. I think it's just because I'm too desperate that I don't even try harder to settle everything in a full speed.

Now, I don't want to be a cry baby, but when people are just underestimating you all the time... I just can't take it. I am filling my withdrawal form this afternoon, sitting next to my dining table at home while my mind was on my mom all the time. Oh, yes and the reminder 3 more weeks playing on my head.

However............ this is not going to roll only for another 3 weeks. It is..... another 4 months.

I was right, I can't take this.

Having a livin' la vida loca supervisor for my thesis also making all the things worse! How am I suppose to split my head into 2 things? It is a consultation, it is for me to ask questions, it is not like I don't care about this thing, my 10,000sgd is being invested here. HELLO??? At least give my some informative feedback, can't you?

I know, I know. Maybe I am the one to be blamed in the first place. It is my choice, it is my decision, it is me who put me in this position in the first place.

Fine.

I have time to post this anyway, am I dying?

Ulos Ulos and Ulos

I can't believe i am actually blogging right now. I realize these days that I might need to throw away things that I've been thinking of rather than talking to myself all the time. I sounds weird, dont i? I know. Skipped class this morning, am sitting here working my mind on my BELOVED weaving idea.

What's the interesting thing about Medanese? Anyone?
I am thinking of Ulos. The idea of weaving. Something like... weaving the community. It has a deep and strong purposes,isnt it? But what's the tangible product that I can offer? To earn profit, but in the same time... weaving the community.

Where is Carissa Clarence ?

I am so anxious lately. Can't sleep well, my head is messed by too many things unsettled. I don't know what to do, how to ease my mind, to keep calm and just do it. Things have been so common for me that I don't have any passion to fight for it anymore. Seems like I'm all fine if you want to call me a whiner, a loser, mommy's baby. I don't care.


I just.... gave up.



Part of me seems drifting. Away from me. or is it the real me? The one that's actually changing. Worse than who I was.

The truth is I really can't take it anymore. It seems like my head just stop thinking and I do things heartlessly. Is there even a word for that ? I do things without counting the risks and the negative impacts that it could bring for me or my family, my mom especially. I really want to stop. Stop.

Living in restless and sleepless nights are scary. Living in emptiness is even worse. I have them all complete.

Adults told me to stop being a baby, stop thinking this way, it's time for me to look at things differently and stop staying in my comfort zone. yada yada yada. Believe me, I tried, tried and tried, and I came to a conclusion where I found myself unsuitable for this condition. Do you think I love to blame others? No. I hate it. It makes me feel useless, what's the point of whining and blaming others for things that you have chosen, no?

I feel like I'm good at nothing. Yet I am not ready for anything. I always do things halfway, it's a habit and I try to fix it. But, does life really has to go this way? I live once and do I want to live it this way?

I am sick of judgements. I don't blame people who judges, it is your rights to judge others. You will still be judged even though you did good deeds anyway.


Oh, lastly. I miss you. I don't know since when you bring comfort in me.
You who I don't think read this blog occasionally.

Delapan Puluh Empat Tidak Pula Cukup

Disudutkan dalam suatu keadaan dimana permintaan, renungan dan kerinduan sepertinya bertemu. Melepas keinginan yang lama diselimuti kemalasan, perempuan bodoh penunda-nunda pekerjaan ini akhirnya menyempatkan diri untuk merenungkan

'apa memang perlu menghabiskan beberapa jam terakhir disini untuk kembali menulis?'

'terlalu banyak berkelibat, terlalu banyak yang flat, bahkan tidak sedikit yang terlalu rumit untuk diceritakan. aku bahkan lupa bagamana cara yang benar untuk bercerita lewat rangkaian kata. Lantas, dari mana aku harus memulai dongeng membosankan itu?'

'lagipula sudah banyak yang numpang lewat, ibaratnya.  just for the sake of reading, they don't understand a word from what I was trying to say. Apa benar aku harus kembali menulis?'

'....aku rindu bahasa Indonesia sih.'  (LOL a very silly statement, but really, to be honest, I love every Indonesian words. They create lots of other meanings mysteriously)

Mungkin aku memang harus mengemas sesuatu yang bersifat serial dan anonim.

Just to trigger back our curiosity. We have been boring human for awhile, haven't we?

Holla!

Hometown is forever awesome!

 

Abundant love. Abundant laugh. Abundant Fats. 

and I enjoy them.

 

Kiss x Hugs!

Why are there not much posts recently? Frankly I check on my blog everytime I open my laptop or PC, but don't know what to post on. Lots of things has happened, and ofcourse tons of photos too. I just came back from my Bandung Jakarta trip with the girls. My blog will be loaded with foods if I do post them here. hihihi.

Nothing much happen to my personal life, met no one new currently, so..... nothing much to write about anyway. ;)

another sad-turday

Hi, all..
Enjoying weekend? It's a gloomy one this week around, I totally love the weather! ^^ It's bright but not shining, it's gray and white yet not blue. Makes me want to do everything. I gained 2kg because of it too. :(: Should I be happy or sad about that? Dunno how to weight it down back in this holidays. hahaha. eat and eat and eat, even exercising doesn't help I guess.

I miss home. Now that I barely do anything except wandering around clueless and eat and eat and eat, I have nothing to do. sigh. I'm not complaining about this though, just wondering what should I do. Planned to go out to buy every orders from my fam today, pack things tomorrow. Next week will be quite occupied I suppose. hmm. Still, I have 2 weeks to go and there are no interesting dramas to watch. -__________- ugh. I don't have any urge to shop, so the idea of shopping to free my boredom is quite a big failure.

Any suggestion what am I suppose to do? Bake? Want to, but who will it the goods after baked????

 

:')

I've said this once to my broken-hearted friend before....





A 'thankyou' is not just a 'thankyou'. It means whole lot of other unspeakable things.

Here's a video for y'all, readers of this blog. Say Thankyou to the ones you love, there are so many things we forgot along the way, sometimes it makes us forget how important a person for us could be.

Have you watched Flower Boy Next Door? A korean chiqlit drama, the girl in this MV starred at that drama too. Her character in that film is way too...... indescribably weird. lol. Should watch!