Goofy

Ngga terasa, besok.... ya uda Senin lagi. *BIGBIGSIGH*

I seriously don't even count down my limited days here, and it's just like I don't even get anything from my holidays here, lack of memories / photos to be carried back to Spore. I'm just sad, but I don't know what exactly made me sad. :'(((( 

5 of us usually went out around Medan, yet I don't even have one photo of the complete five of us to be put in my wallet. :(

He has came back for a week now yet I don't really have time to have fun with him. it's just........... ._. I'm not that type of person who love to whine and whine and whine, I know I'm kinda troublesome enough as a girl and as a friend, then I don't want to ask more then what's offered. But I'm also a human, I wait and wait and wait for those offers to come. :( It's more than enough to see them get to laugh and joke at each other, it's more than enough for me to feel how he felt when the other he has went back here. But then..... maybe "I fell incomplete." will describe me best? :(((( 

I get mad, I can be sulky but trust me I never show it too long. :'( Because when I did that, I feel like I'm a kind of very very annoying girl and I hate it. T^T But then.... I feel like I'm not respected at all, people seems to take me for granted. and why is that, guys? :((((((

Too much :( emot in this post, I know. That' just what I feel. I may :) :D or even :DD , moreover laugh in tears, yet after that I feel..... flat? i feel incomplete. something or someone is missing from my happiness, yet that happiness become so fade and finally disappear.

What should I do? I can't sit and just face myself like this. I hate this. and I don't know what to do to comfort myself, what to do to put me into a good sleep every night without lots of things popping up in my mind. 

You know what? I thought when he came back here, I will have sometime to sit down and share lots of my burdens, but then now? I don't think it will happen. 

it's just me or people? it's me who change and became like this, or others did?

Maybe I also mad at myself?

for being a useless person. I'm ashamed at myself in some point of view. I don't think the 'me' now is just not a dependable person? seems like people don't even bother to count on me.

I don't know what I exactly miss.

is it lust, envy, jealous or need?

Do I miss care or is it just a need?

Do I miss the actual person or maybe it's just nice to have someone nagging about everything you do, giving simple comments or advice on everything you do, showing that he/she care about you anytime anywhere?

Yup, maybe I miss that. 

But then, is it really a 'miss' or is it a 'need'?

Am I the only one who suffer from this or the other side do too?

I'm dazed.

I don't know what to describe myself right now.

Seems like... again. I lose people who care about me, maybe not right away, but then slowly but sure, one by one. I make myself alone. I hate this 'me'. I don't know how to get those people back. 

I'm a goofy.