ck. Honestly I don't understand how long this crush will stand still inside me. It's been too long, and if I still let this be, I don't know who'll get hurt. Some things need patience and time, just like removing someone from your heart and mind would not as easy as clicking the del button on your laptop. I get it. But isn't this means I'm torturing myself? Yet I don't want to repeat harsh things anymore, so what should I do? I thought it was gone once, but it seems like it actually remains in the corner of my vain somewhere and showed up again.
I need to be a better person and a 'good enough' person before all of this start again. I hate myself in some way that I think I'm not even good enough to stand and show myself. I must be a new person who deserve to be treat like others had.
The problem is, I don't appear to be able to take a step away from that human being. == i hate this. Just in time I think I would be acting weird, again, I won't be a normal good friend. People in my situation will understand me. Yet, on the other hand, I can't seems to find another thing/ person that can blown my mind away. ck. I hate this seriously. If only I don't burden anybody. *sigh* ck, feels like banging my body especially head to the wall, let all the memories vanish and simply be new.
haha.
How nice would it be?
No heart broken, no pain, yah..... maybe some frustration for not knowing who's myself or some other people, right? *big big sigh*
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