Tasteless

 My sister told me last night that I look pretty much like an insane lady talking to herself on twitter. I guess it's just an after effect from not talking to myself over a month in my blog?

I have been feeling this 'emptiness' upon me this week. Unlike my usual birthday, I did passed it quite smoothly this year, no more burst into tears, but maybe this is the after-effect of it. Recently I have this urge upon me to do lots of things in my life, I want to change this and that. As you may know, I'm quite a quicky bored person. I get bored over something fast. So, let me tell you this story. a short one.

I knew this so called human. I usually share things or my plans to him. let's just use the subject 'him', okay? But then after sometime, maybe both of us lost our so called 'quality time?' and never really gained that back anymore. I don't know is it really because of the hectic situation or it's just because one of us doesn't willing to listen to each other's story anymore. I just want to stop guessing. It isn't like we are in some kind of 'a must listen to me' kind of relationship, but then, I realize then when I try to tell him how we have lost this kind of chatime, for him this kind of chat may not be as important as how I view it to be. I don't know how to express myself by now, knowing that he may not realized how much I've valued his opinion so far in most of my decisions. I may say, I'm disappointed. There's so much stuffs I have wanted to share to him, so much plans I've done that I really want to share with him. But then I guess by now.... I have given up on many things. many chances that i imagine might possible to be true. Can I call this kind of thing as a disappointment? 

Maybe he'll never realize how I have put things together so that I might be someone who may be there or at least try to be reached by him anytime if he needs help. really. i just tired of being so 'nicely' being there everytime that I wanted to stop by now. I'm exhausted. I'm used to wake up early just to wake this person up in the morning, I'm used to open my messenger tabs although I don't really use it, it's just for me to be easily reached by him if he need to. So please, don't use busy as an excuse. I understand more than anyone how you have set your goals, trust me. It's just... sometime, I feel much less important than how you have described me to be. If it's so, maybe we should just stop saying things that we can't fulfill from the beginning. Because truthfully if I may say, I keep words seriously, faithfully, and when I trust words I mean it. It's just a heartache every single time I experience this. I will never pick on him, I will never blame on him, maybe it is just me and my mind+heart problem on expecting too much. I believe so.