Hi, my personal listener.
I've walked halfway of my journey to the end of school chapter in my life. Not to exaggerate, but now I do realize that life feels hell lot more scary and fierce compared to days before.
2014 has been different I think in a sense it somehow forces me to grow up a little faster. Not just once when I feel that the best way to face it is to run and hide. But most of the time too, I feel I need to take this path seriously. Be responsible for what I've done to myself. It is a lil bit tough to be pressed by chunks of 'growing-up data or information' in a short period of time. Why? Because you start to look around you and feel like all your friends don't get what you mean as they act like they are living this world like a playground all the time.
2014 is a lil bit charming, people change every year, I suppose, or maybe it is me who look at everything differently now? I guess both of those choices go together.
Sigh.
I wish I have a person to hug now. You know, when all you have is your mom, you just can't hug your mom and whine a lil bit for a comfort. Although she'll always stand there saying "It's okay." or "It's fine.", sometimes you are just too shy and feel so shameful being useless daughter like that. Maybe what I''ll search for the rest of my life is that one comfy person. Where are you? hahaha. Sounds pathetic.
2014 keeps tiny surprises neatly that I won't ever dare to guess. Someone is dating somebody, someone is leaving for somebody, and someone is becoming closer to somebody. What I can do is watch and hope that I will (this year) involved with any of them. *hohohoho* I guess living alone is not fun anyway.
I have many many thoughts in my mind now, many many things I want to do after this April. Many many decisions to make, many tears to hold, and many scars to hang in with. Many scary dreams to work on with. I guess I will really need somebody to hang on with, although I thought I'm quite handy acting as a single fighter, two is sometimes better than one. no?
Oh, I'm looking for a team. Do you know anybody that is trustworthy? Persons that are willing to take responsible and treat something mine as theirs, I mean.... to love and to take care something that's not theirs as if it's theirs too. I realize that no one truly behave that way. 2014 is quite bitchy to me about this, it slaps me hard this year to become a person who could differentiate who will stay on your side no matter how bad the situation is. Even though I have to admit I've already had a clique of the strongest fighters around me (I guess they are almost all the A squad team) , not all of them are actually take a real concern about their friends upon them. I need to find people who dare to fight with me most of the time, to put my problems as theirs on top of their own stress-list. It will be great to know people who would dare to fight FOR me, but isn't it boring to have everything done for you?
hmph. i want to find my comfort zone along the way. and settle.
I've walked halfway of my journey to the end of school chapter in my life. Not to exaggerate, but now I do realize that life feels hell lot more scary and fierce compared to days before.
2014 has been different I think in a sense it somehow forces me to grow up a little faster. Not just once when I feel that the best way to face it is to run and hide. But most of the time too, I feel I need to take this path seriously. Be responsible for what I've done to myself. It is a lil bit tough to be pressed by chunks of 'growing-up data or information' in a short period of time. Why? Because you start to look around you and feel like all your friends don't get what you mean as they act like they are living this world like a playground all the time.
2014 is a lil bit charming, people change every year, I suppose, or maybe it is me who look at everything differently now? I guess both of those choices go together.
Sigh.
I wish I have a person to hug now. You know, when all you have is your mom, you just can't hug your mom and whine a lil bit for a comfort. Although she'll always stand there saying "It's okay." or "It's fine.", sometimes you are just too shy and feel so shameful being useless daughter like that. Maybe what I''ll search for the rest of my life is that one comfy person. Where are you? hahaha. Sounds pathetic.
2014 keeps tiny surprises neatly that I won't ever dare to guess. Someone is dating somebody, someone is leaving for somebody, and someone is becoming closer to somebody. What I can do is watch and hope that I will (this year) involved with any of them. *hohohoho* I guess living alone is not fun anyway.
I have many many thoughts in my mind now, many many things I want to do after this April. Many many decisions to make, many tears to hold, and many scars to hang in with. Many scary dreams to work on with. I guess I will really need somebody to hang on with, although I thought I'm quite handy acting as a single fighter, two is sometimes better than one. no?
Oh, I'm looking for a team. Do you know anybody that is trustworthy? Persons that are willing to take responsible and treat something mine as theirs, I mean.... to love and to take care something that's not theirs as if it's theirs too. I realize that no one truly behave that way. 2014 is quite bitchy to me about this, it slaps me hard this year to become a person who could differentiate who will stay on your side no matter how bad the situation is. Even though I have to admit I've already had a clique of the strongest fighters around me (I guess they are almost all the A squad team) , not all of them are actually take a real concern about their friends upon them. I need to find people who dare to fight with me most of the time, to put my problems as theirs on top of their own stress-list. It will be great to know people who would dare to fight FOR me, but isn't it boring to have everything done for you?
hmph. i want to find my comfort zone along the way. and settle.
