What am I? Nasty?

Hi,B.....
Well,sorry for not posting for quite a while since i'm @jakarta...
So now i've got time to post something that maybe hv bug me for quite long time. I'll start this from my story this morning...=]
i opened and shutted my eyes for couple of times, and when i opened my eyes for the third time, i found out my bb's light is beeping.red...it's from a person who greets me almost every morning,but today's quite different since we made a deal last night for who wake up and 'ping' first will win,awwwww,that time i thought i've lost,but he didnt ping me,just greet,so,i guess i'm the one who win,right,kepot? Hhhhhh.regarding to this person who's a total flat person,i may say i'm quite puzzled.idk why,everytime he tries to bring back my mood,he fails. =( idk why can't he just be the one who knows me well like WELL... Why must ones who treat me best be those who hurt the most too? Can't i just have a person who will just stay there to accompany me? Just one friend like that,it's enough.
My first night @jakarta wasn't a good night, i spent my night crying with no sound just tears,for there are two other people that share the room with me.idk why i lost my mood suddenly,what i want for that is go home.i want home. Think about that time again,maybe what dragged my mood was the reality,that thing that i know but deny too. I think my choice to come here is wrong.totally wrong.We don't have to meet from the beggining.just end everything like this.it's better like this,isn't it? I'm avoiding hope and tons of strange things that i guess will happen to me again,things that i don't want.but i'm to scared to hurt your feeling that i decided to make my heart and self stronger. Somehow i think all my efforts stay as a big zero,i'm truly devastated.. The strangest one is that i dont really know what i feel,is it because this is what i dont want or what? I prefer not to give it a try because i know i'll end destroyed. I cant help feeling that anymore.really.
So,i'm breathing,locks my heart for i cant help when there is one who successfully shake it all over again.i try to live my life nicer,with not too much hope in me.


Maybe all thsse stuffs come from me,from my selfish self. Maybe i dontwant to share ones who r too precious for me? Idk. Am i this nasty? Being a fool selfish person.
Ireally dont know.

Dancing!

I'm missing my dancing moments right now.
I miss dancing so much. crap~~~ T^T

This post will have lots of mis-spell I think

So, 20th June 2011. One of my reader is having his 18th birthday today.

I think my wish and pray should be typed not by tweets or walls or bb's status, I decided to just typed it here. Maybe all things I typed will seems to be akwardly retyped and retyped and retyped. And in fact that me and this one person who's having his birthday can't be like we used to be anymore, so, umm, in his birthday tonight the first thing I'ld like to mention is... I'm going to apologize, i know maybe one day I'll have to do this stuffs 'live' and I don't know when will that time come around, yet Sorry is the first thing that comes on my mind. I know,we hate sorry for it seems like sorry is just a word that has lost its meaning nowadays.. Well,my hopes and wishes for this person who's maybe gonna read this post about him are.. that what I've said and will always say, don't bother to still be you.be yourself from now on and forever, don't always try to please everybody, I know and we all know you did it almost everytime. Refuse doesn't mean like losing everybody else, losing your buddies, somehow you are losing yourself for not being genuinely you.One day you'll have your way, your own path to bring that happiness to every single person in your life, I hope that one day you'll come to think that 'job' 'money' 'help' 'one to hold on' are not all the most important things for you to do right now, well, I'm not saying that you can't do or look forward to do those things, you think too much sometimes,don't you? Try to focus on your study right now if you still have your time and opportunity to do it, there are millions of people that dream to live your life,when you are there, keep worrying about jobs and money. I know, maybe you'll think " Well,you don't get me for this one." believe me, I know, well, yeah, kinda fool, but I hear alot about you too, so, try to focus on your study I think is the best way, you can find any appropriate part-time job. it's better.
I'm greatful that maybe I'm not the one who understand you well,know you well,that I can't be someone for you to share to now, and I might become just like another stranger back from the start, but you still have those people who can do those stuffs for you. I'm greatful =]
Maybe I'll miss that person who I should begged everytime he missed his shower time at nights, that person who haunted cockroach in the middle of his chats, that person who can leave his computers alive while he's on dreamland. I come to realize that you are growing up, changing, maturing, become one better person that maybe I can't reach anymore. I'm greatful =]
I'm greatful that I manage to know such a lovely person who can stands this selfish person who's typing this post.
I come to this end that I can't give anything for you as a gift in your birthday, all I've given to you this year may be sorrows and burdens. I'm not even a good person,am I? hhh. Don't be greatful to know a person like me,you know I don't worth it,so just please don't.
Umm, there's this person who have told me something about being a replacement of you.Did you really feel that? this is what you have to know.....umm...that frankly there's no replace-man. Each of you has your own sparks,and you too. I never found anyone who even dare to be just like you in my world. I'm hoping that person was telling me a lie.=|
I know that it's been a couple of times you've tried to talk to me about stuffs we have had till today, well, this one's what funny I think, I can't talk about it straightly and 'live'-ly to you, for you looks just like you. ==a You won't stop that 'hehehe' in every single start of conversations we had, that I always come to this 'Just stop it. I don't want to talk about it' , you know, I really hope you understand this. =| =] =3

Maybe we won't be we anymore. Well, I tell you something I consider as cute from people we know, they told me that no more us is just like missing some of fun. I smile when they told me this. Some of them told me just the same thing.We'll come to the point of stranger all over again,just like games, The Sims, Harvest Moon, whatever, when some of your data's deleted,what's left is memories in your head and because the game that's deleted has too much efforts in it, has too much fun and great memories in it, that sometimes we don't even want to start that game all over again and that's why we give up.
I'm not typing this and will just bursting 'let's try it again from 0' because I know what it feels like to be a complete stranger to a person I used to know well. I've missed some stories about you, some great and fun stories about you or even those worst moments you had these months. hhhhh. I'll tell you, sometimes I feel really bad for being that person who knows nothing . TT . Maybe we'll have to start all over again. I don't know when. Just ignore each other LESS, I think that way will be great? how's it? Because I know ignoring is one of our best skills now. hhhh.

Last,
Happy Birthday.....
Maybe you'll say you don't know me well and I don't know you that well too, for the time we know each other can still be counted by fingers of one hand. I don't care. hhh.

I don't know where these two people above have gone to. =)

I count this for Randy =D

Exactly today, one of those dudes in my high-school-life has his birthday.

Exactly a year ago, he might still be no one, a person who knocked my life, but never stay inside it and knock my head. Who knows, he's now somewhat be a yes one. hhhhh. He's a person with a state of unforgivable unyu, too kind that sometimes I consider him as a fool, too spoiler that I occasionally think he is a she (he hates to be called a she sih... =p), he's somehow caring, he's somehow ANNOYING! XPPP ofcourse, he's coming to my life and mind with tons of his problems,people! XDDDDDD

Yet he comes out to be a true -garing.oversweetinface.humble- boy, he cares about tons of stupid things but can't exactly smell some serious problems. that's why I state him as a fool. =="

He's a friend of mine that will always reminds me that not every single boy is cool,this one is over cute like a girl, talkative like one of my kind too. ;P

So,should I introduce you to this person above?

Come on
Don't fall for him
He says he is a heart-breaker. =p

Anyway,

I'm done telling things that not really important to be typed above,

So,

Happy birthday,honey. X3

I'm typing whatever I want here cos this happens to be my blog. =p

Hey,I can't find any books that teach me how to fold these back. Can your sister do it?

I can't find anything that could help me to fold that papers back too.
zzzzzzzzz.
Thought it's really a handcraft by you.
I can't even bring back those tiny attires anymore then.
And now a little bit regret 'cos I opened and read what's within 'them'.

I'm quite fed up these couple of days for people keep on asking me 'how' 'why' 'when' and then 'how' again,'and 'how' and  'how'
Why don't you people just give it a try and make something different in your life?
It's not like I'm selfish that I don't want to share my thoughts or ideas, sometimes I just consider that your brains and skills are worth to have a shot. Understand what I mean?
Stop asking and start do your thing. Give it a try. But if you are too pussy way from the beginning, then don't even step forward. Just call yourself a coward. ==

What The Hell with me.

Is it really a problem if I'm willing to be an antagonist one day? or maybe just once?
Sometimes it's tiring to keep on behaving, you know, people will underestimate you too for the bonus.
Is it THAT hard to admit that I'm also a HUMAN? HELLO?! =="

What's with me these couple of days.. I'm not in my mood doing almost everything.

tell me tell me tell me

Does anybody know how to fold these :|
Cause I don't have any idea to fold back these papers into tiny fashion attires =(

Gaga swimming suit! =D

can anyone tell me how to?

Oh ya,I'm going to share you this song called F**K You - Cee Lo Green or you may like Forget You - Glee Cast =]

Read and think about this

See, I know I'm not supposed to type this in my blog, it's not my right to say things I will say after this. Come to thing about it all, I do think because this is my blog, some kind of diary too. I think I'll just say it.

Don't you feel something different?

Something's missing when you do it all over again with other people?

Others, not us.

If it's me, I won't do it. maybe iah, I don't know too.

It's not like I'm comparing, or complaining, or envy, 'kay? It's just... I do think sometimes, there are some things that are irreplacable. So when you do it again for the second or third time, more over it's with other people for that 'one same situation' , you'll start refusing something from it.

I don't know why I'm acting like there's something sacred about that place... maybe because it might be the first and the last time I went there and have so much experiences?

It just feels like broken hearted that it comes out not as good as the first one, isn't it?

I don't know why I come out with this thought that you (all) will feel this too.

I'm just typing here.

I'm just typing what I think from what I see,I'm not judging, neither am I say you mustn't do what you love.

Maybe this can be some idea for you (all) to think about again.

i should avoide things before it comes to be a reality.

To Hoiy Hoiy =)

Truly, may I say...

that i've missed you since the day you said you will be going to Jakarta to continue your study. I never know I'll be this sad,I'll miss someone like this,I never shed my tears till there were no more tears the time you have to take your flight to Jakarta. I never try to be this strong to try not to miss a person like this before. I never miss someone like... I want to hear your voice so bad,I want to know how are you,what are you doing in this moment,I want to see you laugh at me,I want to see the way you tease me with one of your hand closing your laughter. I want to see your face soooooo bad that I could have done something stupid such as buying a ticket to Jakarta as soon as I can.  

Have you poisoned my life that bad,dear the one who change me? =X 

I never miss someone till I keep on looking at my phone,waiting your text. Just a simple Hi will make my day. I never feel something which felt like a heart-broken thing you know, I kept on wondering what way can I describe my feeling last night, waiting to know how are you there, knowing that I'm very very very sad but my eyes won't drop any kind of tears. I avoid musics, I avoid songs, I avoid photos, and the thing I avoid the most are things I've made with you. 

Knowing that you have given something I never had before.  Something that I could never be able to describe in words, something that beyond diamond,gold,pearls,silvers. Something I never ever think I will get from a person or any of my friends. Yet it happens to be gifted by you. =] cutely.simply.nicely.humbly.un-neatly.passionately.just like you. hahahaha.

I smile. Smile a lot yesterday,because I don't know how to act right. You are going to Jakarta in the day I know that I'll be going to persue 3 years of my study in Sing. This is what I will categorized as galau. hhhh. =P Hey,you are the one who introduce me the way 'hahahaha' can be typed effeciently >>> 'hhhhhhh' =333

Can you promise me you'll go to La Salle to continue your study if you can,like you've said before? If it's yes for my wish, I'll be waiting you there. =]

I've never known someone who appreciate me like you do, treat me like you do. Someone who prove things with acts, not talks and bullshits. just simply you.... I'm really greatful to have you. 

Maybe you never know,you're mostly the reason why I quit hoping, and you are always my reason to keep on hoping again. Quite hilarious right? If it's IELTS that you need to pursue your study, then go for it. Okay, maybe sometimes I'll try to give you what you wish to have, I'm so sorry if it bothers you that much =( I'm not going to do it again then, >< but can you promise me too that you'll do whatever it takes (in a good way iah =P) to have what you wish to have? That way I'll stop frustating on helping you. =PP

I'm not hoping to know all of your problems, but I think it'll be nice if you can share just a tiny drop.Maybe that way it can be solved. I'm not telling you that I'm capable to solve every single problem in you, but at least, I'll be glad to be the one who may say "everything's going to be fine =)". I know you know what I mean. I don't have to talk any longer bout this,right? =p

Four years may be tough.Within that years,maybe we'll change.Again.Maybe you'll find someone better than me,I may find another amazing person in my life. I think the thing which is the most important is the present,now,how things are mantained by us so that it'll still the same,and getting much better. Am I not right? hhhh. I'm not willing to lose anyone again. not anymore. you know that I never see you as a replacement od anybody in my life, maybe ones will think I am. Honestly,I'm not. You are you, no one will ever be you.

I'll post longer and longer and longer if I keep on typing.

I think sometimes it's better to be typed when the time's right.not once in a glance. hehe.

I don't think the word 'thankyou' can simply describe everything you've done to me.Really. Even hugs and kisses don't. What do you want me to do to describe what I feel? haha. If only you are in crush on me,hhhhhhhh, you'll just be the 99,99% perfect as a person. 

imu.. i know you too. ;p

Just sad.

i'm making this little book,B.
I'm so sad.
damn sad that I wanna cry everytime I talk or even just think about it.
I'm too sad.
Sad that regret always comes last.
I'm desperately sad.
That I've to know somebody that change my life like this.
But I'm glad.
Glad that He gives me this chance.
I'm glad.
That He sent my friend to change me.

just some questions

I found out this site : click here

and got some answers about me :

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

05 + 06 = 11 CX

To my managers,mami and U-know members. I heart you. =]
I don't know how to say the meaning of 05/06/11 because of you. hahaha. I wonder will I have another joy like this, exactly like what I got from you. =]

and to you. the one that maybe never 'click' on femmepurplelicious.blogspot.com anymore.... hehe.

=p=

ummmmm.....

still mourning. not because someone passed away. hehe. I'm just preparing myself to have a twisted life AGAIN.
people start to say this to me, "C'mon,you're too overreactinnnnngggg okay.It's not like the world will end soon" | "Yes, I know... but..."
Yeah,I admit it, I'm probably over reacting. I take things too seriously sometimes. i know i shouldn't act this way, but when you feel like losing someone who you treat as a brother/sister. you'll know what this feels like.
When some'thing'/'one' which is the reason you forget things when you're upset/sad has became the reason you're 'grieving' , you'll know what I feel. =]
Hope you all understand what I mean. I'm indeed over-suffered now. ha ha.

I love these picts that I don't know how many times I've posted them. X'3

Last Standing U-Know...

I'm indeed..... sad.

I hate this. this feeling which,you know, I have buried all this years.It comes again. I've been very very carefull so I won't feel this anymore. Yeah,you can identify this as sad. However I think it's better for me to call this situation as complicated. This is why I hate all goodbye. There's no good in every bye I had. =(

I hate it when myself haven't prepare for that stupid thing called distance and apart, because I know, those things will change half of a person.Although we may still seems very close,we won't. I hate this kind of bye. ==" shit.shit.SHIT.

This is why I never want to know anybody seriously, but it seems like I tend to know people 'carefully and sensitively'. ><" See,it always end like this, I hate myself. I have to learn to let go. They have their lives to live. They have their rights to pursue their dreams.

but why you guys must act this way? When you know I don't have much time left, you act this way. you make all things clearer that I don't have that 'TIME's left with you. You know what,this kind of act drive me nuts,really. And why must you one of those people who affect my life this much? I know whether it's next year,next month or next week,or even tomorrow, it will still not enough for me. I know,this thing will come sooner and later,but....

you know.

I'm speechless. ='(

Each of you seems to come,hit my life,you change myself,and when I open my eyes, you leave me.