I don't know how to begin this post.
Of course,feeling blue today, i don't know how bout you? feeling the same or just so-so?
Maybe lots of things I can't explain, lots of things make us puzzled. yeah, i know that from the start we shouldn't play on this and know each other deeper and deeper. You know what I mean when I say it's not because i'm not comfortable on how our position is, but it's because it's too comforting that i must step away from you before I become more and more ignorant on how i actually should behave as 'just a friend'. It's not easy to let go and of course it's not easy for me to learn not to know or simply being curious on lots of things happening in your daily time. I also understand that you never take things really seriously like others or myself do, i also understand that you never consider this kind of friendship to be more than just a close friend. I simply get it, and maybe that's why i want to make it all straight between us. It's not just simply about I'm pissed off because you rarely ask about me and my daily routine, but it's more about how I think that I have became more and more ambivalent because now I don't know how should I place myself correctly beside you. It's not fine if I keep on acting like this, it's not fine if i always being pissed just because you forget to reply my messages, it's weird and it's a mistake. It's fine just because you say it's fine for me to behave like that upon you, but actually it's not, i shouldn't do such things towards whoever I call friend. For that I want to apologize. Don't you ever feel that this kind of situation is absurd? Is there any other one behave like me among all of your friends, I guess no? I never want anybody to place me as a burden. Don't you ever feel that we often quarrel these days? Don't you ever think it is getting worse day by day? :(
I don't know, maybe there's still a bit of disappointment inside me on how we conclude our problem. haha. silly.
Here's just what I want to express, not really things that i want to talk indirectly to you, but if you read this than it may be better. I remember you asked me several of time whether i keep some kind of feeling towards you, now I can bravely say no, maybe not now. We both know and understand how hard it is to forget, but somehow for me it's nonsense if you said that to solve 'our position' depends on what my answer is. So how if i say 'yes'? You'll try to respond positively? So what's the difference it is between a simple 'yes' or 'no' really? To be honest, I would like to try to stay in this kind of situation and position although others may address me as a fool, I want to try to make things work out but not by myself, yet the fact is, after what we talked, i'm the only one think differently.... However, maybe it's just me myself who wanted to try, and because you never think of being this way, this kind of problem has arise. I'm sorry for thinking differently.
I'll now try not to depend on how you care about me, I'll try to get used to just like who I was before you came and knocked my life. It will surely be hard. There'll be no more one who give me that kind of 'care' in sudden surely will make me sad for some time. i don't know 'till when. This kind of way to solve this problem maybe not the best way for us. I don't know, we both don't have other better agreement I guess?
But before bye I want to say sorry if sometimes it's just myself who nagged too much and kept on complaining without knowing how your situation was, I'm sorry, maybe it's just because I wanted to hear from you that whole day or days, yet you won't know what kind of restless feeling it is, so sometimes instead of a smile and simply 'how do you do', it becomes nags and complains. 미안.
I'll try. I don't know how to say it yet you don't know what you want.
This kind of situation is tiring for me, you know it. Except if some things can change from it, then maybe I'll try again.
 |
| Rain understands me |
 |
| bye, honey.. :) |
안녕,Roro :)
