Saturday, August 25, 2012

What



i heard uncertainty these days.
nothing tell me the truth.
no one willing to tell me something then?

shall I remain like this, pretending to know nothing?

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Dare?

umm, i'm deleting this blog soon.
I've deleted some things that I've never dare to delete before, but yes, i did it.
so, i think this one too.
and maybe one day the other big things I've never dare to delete, will soon not visible in my contact list?

am fallin' for this




"Tomorrow my day will start like nothing is wrong and forget you. 
I'll just remaining here, smiling, as I pray for you to be happy."

so, leave me.




 Anyway, as usual, love T.O.P beyond others :)) 
and I should say Taeyang's voice in the first phrase is just beautiful..

Sunday, August 19, 2012

"Hi, bye...."












I believe you'll understand, it is a 'hi' or 'bye'.

Friday, August 17, 2012

In Need Of Entertainment

I don't find anything interesting this whole day. sigh.
Can I have something really exciting in my life ? Maybe it'll be nice if some important aspects just change ?
Honestly, most of the time I feel like I'm dreaming, the fact that I am living in this place seems like a dream for me, not real at all, most of the time I'll feel confuse on my life, am I actually alive or not? Because all of this become worse and boring after awhile. Yet I know this will get better since it's just like a dream, if it's the worst nightmare, I'll just wake up from that dream. 
I don't feel real at all. :s I wonder why is it like that.
hmph. entertain me please.... =_=

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Worn Out

well, just manage my hectic day and rest a bit.
I've got the total of about 11 hours tutorial + lecturers today, insane right? One of my lecturer today came out to be so killer that I'll rather kill myself then make her killing me slowly but sure >< Her name is Kerri Kato, google it, maybe she's there on the web as one of the entrepreneur? and I arrived home at 9pm. sucks. but then ding dong~ bunch of people welcome me at home... super duper 'alive' atmosphere is here, by tomorrow all of my silly cousins from Medan will be completely here. dunno how to squeeze in this house though. haha ==a but then it's always fun, isn't it... to have kid playing around you, and at least people for you to talk to when you go home, with lights are on everywhere. It always dark when I went home here, no one open the lights or even welcome you home. Maybe that's what I miss most besides my buddies when I'm here. This thing always succeed when it came to persuade me giving up my study here. I can't always stand silence, I'm nurtured in a warm and alive home.

Okay, I'm so so so tired tonight that I might just try to sleep after this post, I planned to chat awhile before sleep though, yet it appears to be impossible since that person who usually accompany me for this sort of 'midnight therapy' go to watch a movie that I've never got a chance to watch till now, yup, Total Recall. *sigh*  .________.

Hmm, tomorrow may also be another tiring day, hope it'll be exciting!


Miss you,guys!
Have a nice sleep if you read this before your sleep, and good day for everyone who read this tomorrow morning/noon ;)

I'll make sure I sleep tight tonight! *yawn yawn yawn*

Oh! Happy Independence Day, Indonesia. 
You are progressing to be better,  keep it up, I really want to know how does it feel to be able to feel proud of my country all the time :pp

Anyone? Anybody?

Hai, I'm bored with my lecture's voice by now... This class has been 2 hrs, I more hour to go :/  I've tried doodling to offend my bored self, yes it didn't work well I guess. So here I am, blogging through  my friend's iPad, and currently thinks tabs or tablets are fun for college, i'm required to take my laptop almost everyday, it wont be a problem for me if i've a car or something like that here == i must carry that heavy thing all day walking round here........ 

I'm thinking of changing my phone to Gnote after I face some workloads this week, shall I do that? But I still considering it since most of you are using bb, my family too, what shall I do? :s  

Sigh, these days my blog has been pretty cold don't you think? Nothing new inside it, and I barely know what's interesting for you to read. Any suggestion anyone? I'm tired talking to myself through entries. Neither do one actually giving me feedbacks nor leaving impression about posts by ticking the adjectives boxes under the posts or leaving comments.

Hmm, does any of you want me to share or post about some particular thing? Tell me..
Before I'll start my whole hectic semester, I'll love to spend my time with you.. Oh ya, forget to tell y'all, I'm officially not going back town in December, even if I do, it'll only be 1 week? I guess so. I think it has been your turn to visit and play with me here. Hh. Okay, don't blame me about that rising SGD, I curse it for being damn high too.... *sigh*

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Emm? Hmm? Err...

Guys, watch this video, what do you think 'bout it? Have you seen version 1?




I'll just share my opinion here, no judgement please....
Honestly, I hate this song sang by Hyuna, I dislike it very much that I decide to share it with you uys to know what you think about it. :| Hyuna is just so...... eww?

Morning Everybody :)

Hi, guys..
Annyeong, good morning :) Have a early class today, at 9 actually, woke up at 6 thanks to someone who excitedly Ping me for more than 10 times ._. So, I don't know what to do now since I woke up earlier, am waiting the clock shows 8am and I'll go down to catch my bus, usually it took 30-40 minutes to school, I wonder will it be hectic and longer time since today's earlier.

Okay, just posting this randomly at random time. See ya pretty later guys.
Oh, my granny is going home this evening, and another bunch of people are coming tomorrow. I don't know what to feel and say currently, got some stuffs to be done and they're all here :s I'm glad that I'll have people accompanying me, on the other hand, I can't seems to accompany them to here and there. ck. Pray for me that I can manage my time well, I'll need to arrange my schedule again pretty soon, internship is coming! ><

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Ignored Once

ck. Honestly I don't understand how long this crush will stand still inside me. It's been too long, and if I still let this be, I don't know who'll get hurt. Some things need patience and time, just like removing someone from your heart and mind would not as easy as clicking the del button on your laptop. I get it. But isn't this means I'm torturing myself? Yet I don't want to repeat harsh things anymore, so what should I do? I thought it was gone once, but it seems like it actually remains in the corner of my vain somewhere and showed up again. 
I need to be a better person and a 'good enough' person before all of this start again. I hate myself in some way that I think I'm not even good enough to stand and show myself. I must be a new person who deserve to be treat like others had. 
The problem is, I don't appear to be able to take a step away from that human being. == i hate this. Just in time I think I would be acting weird, again, I won't be a normal good friend. People in my situation will understand me. Yet, on the other hand, I can't seems to find another thing/ person that can blown my mind away. ck. I hate this seriously. If only I don't burden anybody. *sigh* ck, feels like banging my body especially head to the wall, let all the memories vanish and simply be new. 
haha.
How nice would it be?
No heart broken, no pain, yah..... maybe some frustration for not knowing who's myself or some other people, right? *big big sigh*

@Tomm_mY


Kalau Kim Joong Kook punya HaHa di Running Man yang dia jadiin brother, gw punya yang satu ini. :) *Whatever deh kalau ini adalah perasaan yang bertepuk sebelah tangan, sah2 aja, kekekekee* A gentler, tinier, funnier, wiser HaHa. :3 Seumur-umur gue ngga pernah prediksi bahwa cowo ini bakal jadi orang yang benar-benar ngubah cara pandang gue tentang keluarga, tentang berpikir panjang, apalagi mikul beban orang lain yang banyak dan gedenya najis itu ke atas pundak kita sendiri. But he did it, he still does. Nae dongseng! :DD

Gue percaya, cowo yang satu ini banyak berubah dari pertama kali gue ngenal dia. 
Apa momen pertama gue tentang abang si Sanny ini? 
"Eh, cowo itu lucu juga, punya gaya, narinya bagus ya.
Yup, gue ngenal dia saat dia lagi asik"nya goyang tuh pas latihan di pentas buat acara tamatan SMP, he wasn't as great as he is now, but he's shining at that moment. Itu yang buat gue bertanya-tanya kira-kira mau ga iah dia gabung ke UKDC sewktu kami ini ditakdirin Daddy buat sekls pas SMA, eh2.....terakhirnya jadilah dia gabung juga, gimana seluk beluknya... lupa dah gue. Then cowo ini mulai nekunin dunia yang dulu mungkin serasa samar atau sekedar hobi (?) buat dia, dan jadilah dia yang sekarang ini. :) Anak bangga yang makin bangga yang selalu ngga punya takdir baik sama ponsel"nya belakangan ini. Momen paling lucu selama gue 'partner'an bareng dia di dalam grup mungil itu ya pas dia keuh-keuh mau gendong si @VeronicaMilas, pas dia SECARA SENGAJA maki nyokap gue lewat bbm GUE, dan setiap kali dia 'bermesraan' dengan soulmatenya yang kebetulan juga terdaftar di dalam tim mungil kami. I cherish every single moment we had :) It was so so so much fun, opera van java lewat deh, hihi, harusnya dulu gue bikin dia nangis mencak-mencak aja yah pas ngajarin 4 orang bandel yang otaknya pentium 1 abis diajarin koreografi Alan Luo. hihi. 

Gue heran kenapa di momen-momen saat gue uda mulai give up tentang beberapa faktor didalam hidup gue, Daddy ngenalin gue ke dia, orang yang ga mau nulis nama di setiap Letter of Questnya tapi secara frontal dia pake kertas notesnya 'Mawar Sharon' wkwkwkkwkwkwkwkwkwwkk. bego ga sih? =pp But he's a great and nice writer indeed, he wrote nicely in those letters, I keep it well. :) Enak buat curcol nih, despite that dia sering banget ketiduran atau ga balas ditengah jalannya chat/smsan. =,=  He's a creative and lovely buddy, and until today he's the only one who successfully made me smile widely with his surprise gift, it's nothing much though, but I really" treasure it. :)) 

Gue masih ingat gimana 'intense'nya gue dan cowo metropolitan ini dulu pernah ga ngomong selama...... berapa lama? I forget. Seriously hilarious. hhahaha. Gue ingat gara" itulah gue denger lagu "That Should Be Me' nya Justin Bieber yang liriknya dia post di wall fb, maklum, wktu itu blm begitu ngetrendnya galau-galauan massal di twitter. hhhh. Galau di twitter ngetrend setelah zaman-zamannya...... tweet" ga berbalas yang bikin ended up ngetweet ngomong sndri di tengah malam, subuh-subuh. haha. Okay, back to topic, actually thank for dance routines that we must did for the sake of Quest, we ended up our quarrel and..... we get used to each other better than before. :) Cowo 29 Juli ini bukan seseorang yang blak-blakan pada tempatnya, kalo masalah being funny and spontaneous, he's the one, orang yang hampir 24 jam bersama orang lain selalu pasang muka berseri-seri. But I think he's not actually that kind of person, most of the time he took something seriously tapi ga tau gimana bagusnya buat ekspresin apa yang dia pikirin. Gue selalu nganggap that's a special part of him being himself. Itu yang ngebuat dia itu... dia, genuinely. What I feel grateful by having him in my life is that he always always always bring happiness to people next to him. It's a gift, don't you think? ;)

Seharusnya banyak yang gue omongin tentang anak ini di dalam entry gw ini,banyak yang mau gue share atau ungkapin tentang buddy gue ini, tapi begitu waktunya buat nge-type-in smua smua smuaaaanya ke dalam words yang enak dibaca, I'm actually speechless.
Gw rasa kalian para readers femmepurplelicious yang ga kenal anak ini bakal bosen deh ngebaca isi buddy post gw yang kebanyakan gue anggap 'strong' karena uda banyak menginspirasi gue di dalam hidup. Whatever, but I think buat semua orang yang kenal anak ini, 90% of them will agree with me that this guy here really effects your life. Yah, mungkin mempengaruhi kalian dalam aspek-aspek yang berbedalah.

This guy here one said this to me, *kira-kira lah ya* "I like you (being my friend, ofcourse) because you never see me as another person (strange person) after you get to know me. You never get to pity me."
Sebenarnya, that's exactly yang gue rasain tentang the so called chincia gue ini, he knows me, accept me well,and gue merasa dia ngerti dan ngerasain apa yang gue alamin, dan instead of cry and whine, he work his life. yah, maybe gue ga pernah tau he's being sincere or not, but as long as I am, I hope he does too. Cowo ini adalah seseorang yang paling-paling bisa membuat gue bangga dan malu secara bersamaan, bagi orang-orang yang mengenal dia lebih dari gue, I think you get what I mean. Dia ga pernah whining, perhatiin deh, dia ngga pernah sekalipun mengutarakan apa yang dia mau secara langsung, always in his way, like we need to guess it right somehow. yah, most of the time sih dia sukanya deny himself dan ujung-ujungnya nyesal sendiri. He always do that to himself, I wonder why. ==a Dia tuh seseorang yang menurut gue harus dijadiin role model secara usia kami ga terpaut jauh, I somehow ashamed with myself for being this spoiled while looking at a daring person like him going out there struggling.

Many times I think, how fun will it be to have a prson like him inside my family. Secara I'm alone, dan he gets what I feel, I somehow treats him like my own brother. So far, I got one 'annoying sister' and one 'childish brother', isn't it sounds perfect? hihihihi. He sticks well with my cousin, bagi kalian yang pernah membuktikan dengan mata kepala sendiri gimana childish nya dia main congklak bareng ade gw, your mind will blown away. hahahaha. I truly like him as a sibling. Guess what, most of the time I can get really suspicious with person he likes, ck, tau kan gimana rasanya kalo sodara lu punya gebetan? Penasaran dan jealousy yang somehow aneh dan menjijikkan itu? Itulah ya pokoknya. ahahahahaha. Gue sangat berharap dia cepat-cepat merealisasikan crush nya itu, uda brp taun, bro???? Mau tunggu cewenya imigrasi ke negeri lain buat kuliah?? =="

Ck, apa penyesalan gue sampai disaat gue nulis post ini? Semenjak tamat SMA smpai skrg, gue dan cowo yang ga tahan spicy ini hubungannya mulai renggang (cieileh hubungan cyin... XDDDD ) hhhh. Yah, mungkin pengaruh waktu, distance dan pergaulan juga, ga banyak yang bisa kami ber2 omongin lagi sekarang, kalaupun ada, stuck dan speechless di tgh jalan. Sad isn't it :'( Sedih juga sekarang karena our schedule uda berbeda-beda, sibuknya juga uda beda-beda, banyak hal yang ga bisa gue share ke dia, mungkin ga sempat? Gue ga ngerti juga. Makin sedih pula gue, karena swktu Daddy ngasih kesempatan buat gue ketemu dia selama....3 weeks? ga benar" gue manfaatin dengan baik, gue belum sempat cerita banyak hal ke dia, bukan karena gue ogah atau ga mau, tapi karena somehow... gue merasa ada sesuatu yang membuat gue ga bisa cerita ke doi. Situasi dan kondisi mungkin? Padahal nih, guenya uda excited jauh-jauh hari sebelum dia balik hometown. I planned to plan something around his time back there, but than, what I did is nothing. Not even a thing for his birthday :'( somehow I feel so wrong and guilty of myself. sigh. Damn, I feel like I'm talking bullshits right now, but yup, you don't know what I feel. hmphf. Penyesalan besar sampai saat gue balik ke kandang singa ini ya itulah... I don't know where did it go wrong. I planned lots of fun things to do together with our tiny group's members but then it never happens in those 3 months of holiday, I don't even get a photo to stick in my wallet. Rasanya ini seperti.... apa ya, main game sampai 3 level terahir dan mati lampu, datanya hilang semua. begitu?

Dan akhirnya, yang bener-bener bisa gue lakuin cuma ngepost entry yang delay nya ampun-ampunan ini, bantu arrange acara nginap dan birthday bash dia, thankyou buat yang uda bela-belain ngebantu gue buat setidaknya ngabulin acara keroyokannya itu. That's it. Horrible isn't it? .____________.


Okay,maybe this is kinda short brief about my buddy,Toti.
lastly... gue bakal ngucapin birthday dan pesan tertunda (hoeks, delayed notes nih ceritanya)

ehm!

Happy Bithday, chincia, I always hope all things and plans work well on you, everything that you wanna do, I believe you mention it on your prayer every single day, and I know you'll never walk on a wrong path. You are strong and I believe you know that Daddy is still working on you. I know that we never really share anything anymore, there is but it's around some "hi-hello-howareyou-fine", or maybe nothing really goes on in our new life. Yet what I've wanted to say through this entry here is that no matter how ignorant I am, how selfish,bossy,horrible you might see me in my life now, never forget that you can still share with me like we used to, no letters to send though, but I think email or private comments here would do if you'ld love to, I would really love to know how's your days and problems if you need someone to share with. I know you love new people, and I know you'll hardly forget the old ones, but if you do forget those oldies, please don't include me inside, I still need you as part of my small family. We are still in it together, no? :)
I'm sorry if I've became a person who never really help you before, sometime I just find myself useless for not being able to help my buddies with my own strength, pray for me that one day i will, and don't forget to teach me to be as dependable as you, I would thrilled to be like one. :D

I'm crying over myself since now you are older by a year but you look younger than your actual age. =3= envy you! =p

Keep on fighting~ hoi hoi! *muter2 telunjuk* ;p

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Giving Up


Hi hi... have been pretty exhausted these days, I beg a pardon for hardly post something interesting these days. ><
So, one of my gorgeous ladies were competing in one of the big modelling competition in town yesterday, and guess what? She got the top place among others! I'm so happy for her, and so so so so so glad that she's been kind of consulting things before with me :) *it's an honor,Your majesty~* *bowbowbow* kekekekekeke She's an intellectual lady, knowledgeable, and interesting if I may say, one of the strongest people I know and one who will actually achieve whatever she planned to get. :) 0% doubt in her :D  Pretty disappointed that I can't accompany her yesterday since I'm here, Thank to Daddy that my mom's super excited to follow her like a fan. hihihi. Oh, and I also got one of the MOST SHOCKING NEWS I've ever heard this year, I lost my appetite once I heard it, so sad that I still can't share it with you guys now, I know it will be a hot issue for the entire 2012-2013 I bet. :| and I'm soooooooo..... burden? since I'm the only one who know it by now, can't even share my thoughts with anybody :'((

I found that Pinterest is super duper interesting for me, I can find lots of useful stuff there, recipes, pictures, whatever, mind to join? Especially ladies, I know you'll just find this as a fresh excitement :3

Oh, and I back to a long chat with my pretty caring friend :) am currently enjoying my days, got a person who accompany me for late night chats again. Well, maybe it'll only works because this is still holiday season, will be different soon when university schedule is up and he'll obviously vanish from radar, like he used to, just hope he'll be healthy and won't sick. :\  Now I think and re-think again, maybe it'll be just fine to let the time speak, and Que Serra, Serra. Whatever will be will be, as long as we know that we must have a line in controlling other's life, and have a straight line between just and more than just a friend, I think it'll work just fine. *I hope so* *finger crossed* Besides, I'm currently in a heart-braked mode, haha. Well maybe I think it'll be better for me not to talk about it over and over again while I still feel the same way, and just let myself and mind think about other person or just think about myself. Since I feel really blurred and mixed.  I think I am going to give up, since nobody tell not to...

"I'm giving up, not because it is hard but because I did all that I could but still, nothing changes."


I won't try to impose my will or feeling towards you.
:) 
not trying to hurt anybody's mind or heart.

promise.


Thursday, August 9, 2012

Once It Was

" Now, in the same place "we" has changed into "other people"
   Even though one of us would shed tears,
   Seeing you keep trying not to hurt me,
   I hate that I noticed your hint given with your eyes...


   so I'll let you go. "




reminds me of something.someone.a situation.





" Were we aiming for different things from long time ago? "



Tuesday, August 7, 2012

I'm Not A Monster, Why Won't You Try To Love Me?

I fell in love with Megan Lee's voice once she open that closed lips and sing the first phrase of this song.


Gonna use this as my background music once I edited this blog. :)