Ohayo

hi,hi. ended up sleepin only for 2-3 hours last night, therefore I woke up quite early this morning and now I'm quite dizzy.
The connection is quite fast and steady now :D much better than yesterday.
May this song brighten your day!
Good day!

Enough is enough

Start to appreciate me, I'm no longer taken for granted.



Ask me why?

 

Bitter? Sweet? Sour? Tasteless?

A rare morning post today I suppose.. It'll soon be officially 2 weeks left for me to stay here... which means.......short :(: Am copying some dvds from Tommy now, I gifted them to him a year ago and didn't manage to make backups back then. hmm, I'm thinking of changing my blog appearance again, what do you guys think? Should I arrange it simply so you would easily listen to musics while reading? Or should my blog remain like this? Comment please, people~~

Last night me and my High School mates went for dinner at Lekker... had quite fun time with them.

Sad that some of us couldn't join the night though, it has been a year since our last gathering here.

Oh, I went to a little so called meeting on Thursday night, three of us share stories and experiences, quite fun to make some stuffs clear and didn't remain as gossips, know some story about others (read: it's not talking BAD about others behind them 'kay) One said to me that it's okay to talk about others as long as that person is not harmed. kekeke. Who's agree? So, that night we went for short dinner, chats, short yoghurt desserts and chit chats, this is when I found that I'm actually not alone while struggling from my own feeling. :) It's been quite some time  since I had this kind of chat, private yet meaningful. I used to plan to have this kind of chat with that person who's going back on Sunday, but then, I don't think Daddy agrees on that point, I didn't even got a chance to really talk personally as a friend with him. :'| I miss a lot of things this holiday, not as 'rindu' but as 'kehilangan / ketinggalan' , if you guys understand. sigh. I don't know how to fix my own self. It's not like I'm not happy though, I am, but then... some part of me is confused, rather disappointed? left? lonely? unsatisfied? flat? omg. i don't know. .......... Seems like a plate of yummy looking food without a fine taste. It's not salty enough nor is it sweet.

I don't get it myself. I got jealous over silly things. Stupid stuffs.

:(

:(

I feel like I've been a bad person this time.

A very bad one.

The egoistic one.

:((((

:'(

f-ed

super duper annoying headache is murdering me since last night.
and still I type a post. *LARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII TABRAK TEMBOK*

Welcome

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

I never told you who read this blog before,

yeah, welcome to my life.

All Those Fairy Tales Are Full of Shits

One more fucking love song, and I'll be sick.

Goofy

Ngga terasa, besok.... ya uda Senin lagi. *BIGBIGSIGH*

I seriously don't even count down my limited days here, and it's just like I don't even get anything from my holidays here, lack of memories / photos to be carried back to Spore. I'm just sad, but I don't know what exactly made me sad. :'(((( 

5 of us usually went out around Medan, yet I don't even have one photo of the complete five of us to be put in my wallet. :(

He has came back for a week now yet I don't really have time to have fun with him. it's just........... ._. I'm not that type of person who love to whine and whine and whine, I know I'm kinda troublesome enough as a girl and as a friend, then I don't want to ask more then what's offered. But I'm also a human, I wait and wait and wait for those offers to come. :( It's more than enough to see them get to laugh and joke at each other, it's more than enough for me to feel how he felt when the other he has went back here. But then..... maybe "I fell incomplete." will describe me best? :(((( 

I get mad, I can be sulky but trust me I never show it too long. :'( Because when I did that, I feel like I'm a kind of very very annoying girl and I hate it. T^T But then.... I feel like I'm not respected at all, people seems to take me for granted. and why is that, guys? :((((((

Too much :( emot in this post, I know. That' just what I feel. I may :) :D or even :DD , moreover laugh in tears, yet after that I feel..... flat? i feel incomplete. something or someone is missing from my happiness, yet that happiness become so fade and finally disappear.

What should I do? I can't sit and just face myself like this. I hate this. and I don't know what to do to comfort myself, what to do to put me into a good sleep every night without lots of things popping up in my mind. 

You know what? I thought when he came back here, I will have sometime to sit down and share lots of my burdens, but then now? I don't think it will happen. 

it's just me or people? it's me who change and became like this, or others did?

Maybe I also mad at myself?

for being a useless person. I'm ashamed at myself in some point of view. I don't think the 'me' now is just not a dependable person? seems like people don't even bother to count on me.

I don't know what I exactly miss.

is it lust, envy, jealous or need?

Do I miss care or is it just a need?

Do I miss the actual person or maybe it's just nice to have someone nagging about everything you do, giving simple comments or advice on everything you do, showing that he/she care about you anytime anywhere?

Yup, maybe I miss that. 

But then, is it really a 'miss' or is it a 'need'?

Am I the only one who suffer from this or the other side do too?

I'm dazed.

I don't know what to describe myself right now.

Seems like... again. I lose people who care about me, maybe not right away, but then slowly but sure, one by one. I make myself alone. I hate this 'me'. I don't know how to get those people back. 

I'm a goofy.

Your Will?

Just came home from breakfast with them.
Guess what?
I're totally overslept this morning and it made me sit down infront of TV watching Naruto instead of visiting Daddy's home. == fml this week, seriously~
Last night I decided what to pray about this morning, and it turned out that I weren't able to join my friend. So my conclusion is that.... this thing that I wanna pray about, it's not meant to be prayed for me. sigh. Is this really your will, Dad? Not even a chance? :(

I Blog

When I don't type, I search and post.

 

and honestly, I wish I met this kind of man. are you one of the kind above?

It Flies

At last, I end this day as.... quite productive if I may say? woke up and cleaned up all my high school books, found out lots of silly memories, then went to drive for about an hour? After that went to catch up my friends. I'm quite alienated when I got there, like there's big Great Wall among us. I don't understand why I can't get along with some particular persons? == I hate myself for being this way, I try to talk and having fun, tease some of them to get along, but then... without being rude I should say I feel way more comfort without them. =| and I don't know why is it? Is it because those are the ones who usually ignore me or what? I don't get it myself too. It's not because they're too busy or something, they're there having fun as I'm invisible. :s weird no? I do thing time changes every single detail among us, it heals some wounds, it cut other's relationships, sometimes it makes us found the right person. Yet time works not as good as how it treats other people, it doesn't really heal my wound, sometimes time makes me suffer, it makes me wait for nothing, it has tried to make me forget things or someone but then it doesn't help me perfectly. Kind of stuck in the middle of time, people and life. Stuck in nowhere.

I know I shall move on. 

But I don't think I have.

Even though I don't show it much.
I might type it often?

I hope someone will understand.

That I still stuck with the same stuffs and person.

I also think myself is super annoying for being that kind of person, am I not right?

Can't even let go. damn me. ==  ha. ha. ha. *kick my own ass if I could* *plus bang my head to the wall* *since when I've became this kind of ba-bo yoo-ja*

Open Your Eyes, Ears and Heart

hi,hi.

Another boring days. Oh, I feel this week is the worst one ey. >< dunno why. Maybe this is what period does, huh? Everything seems annoying. Oh, and before I forget about this, I'm currently annoyed by someone. == I thought this person has changed, but I was wrong. Still the same stubborn person who used to forget promises and cancel things with no burdens. luckily he's one of my old buddies, I really wanna kill him for real. Hate him for being the 'bla bla bla'  him sometime. =3=

So, tomorrow's the beginning of another weekend. Yes, another weekend which means I don't have much time to spend here soon. And seems like no one really bother me, I somehow feel...... alienated? sigh. It's not just once, more than times. So just you know, most of the time I halt my intention to stop giving my opinion in our groups (read : friends' group, Quest,bbm, etc) . Because one thing I realize was that... They don't really care  about your existence, it's like i were talking to myself and not my friends. I'm tired, my dear. I'm also a human. Maybe this is my time to stop giving things to others and just wait and see? And slowly recognize who really there. I'm not exaggerating, I'm just.... desperate? ._____.  They will have a gathering tomorrow afternoon, and I convinced myself not to show myself there. I won't be there. When this gathering happens maybe... a year ago, I'll surely took part in it. But not this time. I don't think even if I try to mix water and oil it will be blended well. Therefore, I don't have any urge to join that so called 'a day of joy', maybe I'll regret it one day, but not tonight. Many people ask me this question, "For how long will you stay with them? Stop that patience and just leave if you want to." and here I am. Doing my first attempt. Maybe if you, readers, ask yourself why am I doing this, first ask your own heart, how will you feel if you've asked for more than 10 times and people just ignore you in that spot, seems like you are not as precious as what you think they are for you. Yes, it's painful and unfair. :)

Oh, and here I am remember about a thing that I think I have to share to you tonight and maybe it'll be better typed in.............

Gue tau, Anda sekalian mungkin merasa orang itu tidak sepantasnya menjadi orang yang layak untuk gue ataupun temen-temen gue sebut sebagai 'kawan'. Maafin gue juga kalau gue salah menilai orang. Yet I believe, tidak sepantasnya seseorang or a bunch of people keep on mocking someone who never even touch a string of you hair, no? Anda sekalian boleh saja menyebut-nyebut yang tidak baik ataupun menyebar cerita-cerita mengejek buruk apa pun, itu hak Anda. I appreciate it. Tapi tidakkah Anda malu? Ketika Anda mulai menilai orang tersebut tanpa mengenal dia dengan baik, Anda telah menjatuhkan martabat Anda sendiri? Mungkin menurut Anda orang tersebut tidak pantas bersandang dengan orang-orang seperti KITA (ya, I include myself to this so called community), tapi tolong camkan ini baik-baik, tidak pernahkah Anda berpikir kalau terkadang kita tidak lebih baik daripada orang tersebut? Everybody has their own flaws, gue ga nyalahin siapa pun dalam post gue kali ini. Cuma, yah.... jika ada yang merasa dirinya saya sindir disini, mulailah berpikir. Saya tidak membela siapa pun disini. Do I need to put a fake smile here? oh yes, I think so. :)  Bukan berarti seseorang yang selalu tampak buruk ato seSETAN apa pun dia, dapat seenaknya kita perolok dimanapun kita berada. terkadang gue diemin, karena menurut gue that's fine, tapi terkadang hinaan Anda berlebihan, walau terkadang jujur saya malu ikut diperolok, tapi saya lebih MALU melihat teman saya yang menghina orang lain yang kebetulan disebut-sebut sebagai kawan saya. Ya, berkawan dengan siapa dan bagaimana adalah hak saya, of course no? I get it. Gue ga berusaha melindungi siapa pun disini, hanya saja, yah, kenapa ga langsung di muka orangnya saja kalian menghina dia? Kenapa harus dibelakang? Nah, kalaupun mau diperolok di belakang, make sure your work is clean. get it?  Kalau mau ngata-ngatain orang, yang bersih dong kerjanya, jangan ketauan :)

 

Omo! What Have I Done?!

As you know, I've been trapped in a quite long holiday. What did I do?

Birthday Fruit Pies ( All first try! kekekekeke X3 )

Macaroni for Breakfast :D

Mini fruit cake

Forgive my decoration skill, please. My first, my bad~ ><

Basically, inspirited from RTP... Omu Rice :9 (Omelet with veggie friend rice in it)

My nanny's best bbq chicken :) First try and she said nicely done! yay! XDD

Answer : Bake and Cook :)

 I got some recipes that I peeped at too. hehe. Most of the time you've got to improvised though. Will post it if I remember to. If you guys are curious to know about anything, just ask! :) You've got my fb, twitter or just comment on this post! :) Dare to click 'like' button below? ;P

Each

One for each :) (p.s. tinggal 1 yang gue liat belum di-show off hehehe)

Birthday illustrations for my y'all :) 

@jowitanisha

Dara yang satu ini seharusnya nih ya (read: SEHARUSNYA) gue kenal pas dia masih duduk di kelas 6SD, secara gue di panggil Ms. Anna buat kepo-kepo jadi mentor pianika di kelasnya. *Iya kan, namanya pianika? Uda tua. Lupa bok* Tapi yah.... Kata Daddy, "Sabar, loe punya takdir lain buat ngenal dia" yah, jadilah gue ternyata ditakdirkan buat sekelas sama ni cewe selama SMP-SMA, dan dgn plus2 dia yang bantu jualan roti, dan temen gue yang sering gue ajak jalan mentang-mentang rumahnya deket sama sarang berjamurnya gue di Medan. Dia juga temen gue yang bikin gue jeles abis beberapa bulan sblm dia jadian sama cowo yang sekarang kerap bikin dia jablay berminggu-minggu. *khekhekhekhekhe~

Gue yakin banget kalo cewe yang satu ini gue kenal sebelum she turns to size 12. Because she is in a same size with me now.  Dara ini adalah cewe paling ngga banyak macam yang gue kenal, paling easy going, paling enak diajak spontan, tapi kalau uda masalah galau karena 'her emergency state at home', berubah lah dia. haha. Apalagi kalau masa-masa jablaynya doi sedang menerpa, ckckckcckk, banyakan waktu dia limpahkan ke makan" yang enak", ini nih harus diganti polanya, Jo... Mukul orang aja kalau galau, jangan makan. Banting keyboard juga boleh lah, at least setelah galau lu bisa share ke orang-orang melalui blog lu. There're some daily readers of your site I guarantee you. :)

What shall I talk about this girl here? hmm, biar gue mikir dulu.....

Oh! Gue jarang jadiin anak ini sebagai orang pertama yang tau ttg problem gue kalo gue lagi galau, why? Because....... she.is.the.kindest.nicest.girl.friend.that.I.ever.knew. oleh karena itu, dia bakal secara ga sengaja ceritain sesuatu yang seharusnya ngga dia ceritain ke temen-temen kami dan oleh karena itu juga paling mudah pura-pura bertanya ke cewe ini kalo mau ngorek" suatu 'cerita' wkwkwkwkwk *Peace,Jo ^_____^V* Gue ga bermaksud memperalat nih ye ceritanya, hanya menggunakan peluang sebaik-baiknya. wkwkwk.

Since she's the most easy going person in my list, ga salah juga kalau disebut dia cepet banget deket sama siapa pun, beneran nih siapa pun, mau cewe cowo... sebut aja guru les gue, ga sampe 2 minggu dia mudik ke tempat les mafia di jalan Wahidin dulu, sampai sekarang dia masih tetep lebih akrab sama guru gue itu, padahal dia les cuma setengah tahun? lebih? dan gue... my whole senior high school. >< Ini juga yang gue kagumin dari cewe yang satu ini, kelebihan dia yang satu ini ngebikin dia selalu nice di mata temen-temen, friendly person. *envy sama kekuatan magis beradaptasinya dia yang satu ini* Seharusnya gue yang mingkem kaya lembu ini berguru yah sama cewe ini, manatau dengan begitu gue bakal bisa ngehilangin first image yang selalu dikatain "HORROR" sama temen-temen yang sekarang lebih mengaku gue "GA WARAS". hehe. what to say my friend, kalo duren diciptain Tuhan dengan duri buat lindungin dagingnya yang lezatos dari tangan-tangan manusia yang gatal, Tuhan pinjemin tampang ini jadi protektor gue. Kalo bisa milih gue juga ga milih begini,cuk. =p=

Gue teringat zaman SMP, zaman cinta monyet kawan-kawanku, cewe ini terlibat konflik sama sesama perempuan tidak waras di kelas gue, yap , berinisial VS (serem ya inisialnya... VersuS gitu) gimana ga waras? Pas dulu jalan sama gebetan dia, kalo sayang itu saling main ludah. jijik kan? ga perlu dibahas disini, kapan-kapan aja dia bakal dapet jatah post kok. :) Back to topic, nah di zaman itu tuh gue masih ingat terjadi perang dingin yang secara ngga langsung jadi berasa nge-split-in kawan-kawan gue menjadi 2 kubu, ish, kalau di ingat-ingat najong abis deh suer... ==V Terakhirnya cek cok yang digara-garain oleh seorang bocahgatelgajelas itu juga akhirnya diakhiri dengan cewe 21 Juni ini minta putus dan akhir-akhir-akhir cerita sampai hari ini dia pun bersetatus 'in e rilesionsip' sama cowo yang kalo menurut gue sokcoolgaterarah daan seiring bertambahnya usianya menurut gue ini cowo makin aneh. wkwkkwkwkk. Gue heran kok dulu bisa-bisanya gue punya temen deket (baca: cowonya si Jowi) ini. masih ga habis pikir. Gue diguna-guna kali ya? :s Apa eman benar seperti kata ade sepupu gue, "Cie, temen loe semua gue liat pada *ngebuat tanda / di dahi* *GILA MAKSUDNYA* ya. Ga satu pun normal"  Yang gue jwb dengan nyengir, "Envy kan loe? Gimana ga gitu, cici lu aja ga waras." *akhirannya dibumbui emot menghargai di muka gue >> :) *

So , anyway, mungkin ga banyak yang bisa gue tulis buat ngedescribe temen gue yang satu ini, but she has always been one of my dependable buddies through years :)) Apalagi kalo soal lagi stress, lu butuh temen buat ngapain gitu, nah panggil nih cewe, hehehe. Oh, dan terkadang dengan buku jimat dia nih (baca : kumpulan berbagai kartu) cewe ini bisa dengan sekejap mata melegakan hati-hati kita2 yang dag dig dug liat harga makanan di resto, makan kenyang hati pun damai, cuy. hihihihi.

Lastly sebelum gue menutup post yang lamanya bukan main ini, somehow I wanna say sorry to this girl kalo mungkin some of my words or behaviors hurted/hurt her. Mianhe >,<   Karena bisa dibilang dia ini ga pernah berlama-lama marah, gue jarang dan bahkan didalam ingatan gue, gue belum pernah berantem sama ni cewe, so mungkin banyak hal-hal khilaf yang pernah gue lakuin secara sengaja ataupun tidak ke doi. jinja mianhe.

Kedepannya I really wish you will see your path and open your mind a little wider about world, world is not only this small town called Medan and people in it. You have guts, sometimes you just never realize how brave you are as a 'notgirlnotyetawoman'. Gue bukan seseorang yang nyaman melangkah jauh dri zona aman gue, jujur gue katain, I'm not really an optimist person nor a brave person, my dear. Tapi gue berusaha, karena gue malu berada di sekitar kamu dan teman-teman yang lain. Berada di antara teman-teman gue semua yang kelihatan sparkling dan berada jauh dari gapaian gue, maka dari itu gue berusaha mengejar, maybe a little step by step, a little back and forth. Maka dari itu I wanna thank you too for being kind of motivation in my life :)

NAH!
AKHIRNYA!
BERAKHIR JUGA!
hahahaha.


Happy birthday,Jo. ({}) :*
Remember,not a single person can look down on us because we are females. Not even our family, stand still for that mindset. So, never give up on searching what you really are, girl.Saengil chukae~ <3