Lately I've been asking myself, about distance and sincerity, about doubts, about what I want, about what I deserve.
Lately the distance among me and other people has been coming back and forth, upside down, things change and keep on changing. I don't know whether I should stay here and make a wish, put tiny bits of hope or again shut any kind of doors that I think might be chances. I am too scared that I may be someone who is forcing something towards somebody else, someone who is too proud of herself that she thought she deserve a chance where there is no chance given at all, I am too afraid that I would become a bitch who blame others just because I thought they gave me a chance that I should fight for.
Or is it because I am too aggressive? Am I becoming a person who is over confident? Somebody who doesn't look at the mirror and look how much I actually deserve.
Or is it because I am too anxious, not able to handle or face someone I care or I love calmly? Can't I give them a chance to be better by themselves? to trust them that they could do something without my help, at least it will give them confidence, won't it?
but I just can't help it for being passive over people whom I love, whom I care for. :( I know I want them to fight with me all the time, I can't wait to be excited over the picture of myself and them together facing the future. You know..... maybe he was right, I can't trust those people and I need to give them a chance. :'(
Can anyone answer this for me... should I take this changes as something to fight for, a hope, or to shut this mind and treat this as a pity or a form of normal care ? Maybe I'm just an over confident lady in her 22. Loving and putting too much effort on something in my heart is so annoying, it is. truly is. you know, when even being nice will hurt people's feeling, it sucks, you don't know what to do.
Lately the distance among me and other people has been coming back and forth, upside down, things change and keep on changing. I don't know whether I should stay here and make a wish, put tiny bits of hope or again shut any kind of doors that I think might be chances. I am too scared that I may be someone who is forcing something towards somebody else, someone who is too proud of herself that she thought she deserve a chance where there is no chance given at all, I am too afraid that I would become a bitch who blame others just because I thought they gave me a chance that I should fight for.
Or is it because I am too aggressive? Am I becoming a person who is over confident? Somebody who doesn't look at the mirror and look how much I actually deserve.
Or is it because I am too anxious, not able to handle or face someone I care or I love calmly? Can't I give them a chance to be better by themselves? to trust them that they could do something without my help, at least it will give them confidence, won't it?
but I just can't help it for being passive over people whom I love, whom I care for. :( I know I want them to fight with me all the time, I can't wait to be excited over the picture of myself and them together facing the future. You know..... maybe he was right, I can't trust those people and I need to give them a chance. :'(
Can anyone answer this for me... should I take this changes as something to fight for, a hope, or to shut this mind and treat this as a pity or a form of normal care ? Maybe I'm just an over confident lady in her 22. Loving and putting too much effort on something in my heart is so annoying, it is. truly is. you know, when even being nice will hurt people's feeling, it sucks, you don't know what to do.
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