Another Night

Hey,finally typing again tonight.

In the night before christmas,in the night surrounded by fireworks and traffic jams.

I hardly type this,tonight seems to be another night for me. It's not a christmas eve.Think 'bout it again, seems like it's getting harder to find christmas in every 'another christmas'. I want that christmas back, when I woke up in the morning with tons of wishes and hope,tons of curiosity and joy. I do miss that kind of 25th December I had.With my family here with me. Not like tonight. all alone. watching a K-drama from my compie and enjoying a glass of A&W alone.

maybe I'm a fool who keep waiting for things to be different.

I barely forget to tell you about last night. A night of 23rd December 2010,the day my friend turned 18th and the day I finally know what I'm missing these years. I miss her,my friends,and all that joy I used to have. I finally realize it again that no matter how hard I try,it'll always something different between them.

I had a sleepover party too yesterday. Questers came to my house and played silly truth or dare. I find myself missing something that nite. I don't know how to describe it. 

You know,that thing I'm trying to forget about. It's getting harder and harder to do,i mean,to completely wash out everything in my mind. I couldn't bare it,when some things successfully make me forget my intension to be a normal person again for that person. (I'm kinda rude by saying "that person",like he's done something wrong to me. ==") I'm searching for a right time to talk. For that I'm waiting almost every night. Just hope that person will finally realize.

Umm,maybe I'll write a little confession here. 

B, I'm kinda dissapointed too when one said that that person already get used to this condition.

If it's so, I won't regret anything again.

maybe It's better like this? haha. =]

It's really hard to push my intention to start talking while there are things which make me unwilling to do it.