Can't I just be....

Hi,B...
How r your days? fine? good? great? awesome? fabulous? I hope so =)
Umm, actually I really want to write things here from days ago... But i don't know what stop me from typing here again and again til tonight I make up my mind to type here.
So I'm now back to my hometown, from 9-10 days of short trip to Jakarta.. I finally met a person -maybe for the last time this year- exactly a month before his birthday. hehe. 29th June 2011. I don't know how to describe my feeling that day, was it happy or so-so, I thought I was pretty cool for not bothering too much whether I'ld met him or not, but I dreamt about him wearing yellow T-shirt (which he really wore on the day we met) and met me at my house @Medan, what's really funny about this was he also dreamt of meeting me at my house @Medan in that exact same night. Weird or antusiastic? =/ =p Same expression when we woke up in the next morning = " Wth?! dream? =.=" "  right? no? wkwkwk. Frankly I dreamt about that person again in the night of 29th, this one's funny so I guess i'll keep this one as my own story (maybe I'll tell that person which was in my dream). hhhh. =]
So,I'll skip the part when we finally met up at my aunt's house and bla bla bla bla......and, what do I feel grateful about from that 29th June IS...... That I finally have a person -who is fortunately my friend also- that can sit there with my family members in a small round table,chit chatting bout my true personal stuffs,simply there.=] I'm so happy that I've met that one person who sat beside me when I've to listen to those stupid hate-able stuffs and I didn't have to be ashamed and scared that time when I faced it with my friend near me. I may say that I finally know what comfort means.Arigatou. I'm glad that person next to me was you, not anyone else but you. *acung empat jempol XDD*  I truly think that I got a new member in my grandma's grandchildren list. hhhhh. Understand what I mean,right? =PPP  I guess some stupid-silly things like 'Toilet Wanita' + 'Jln. S.Parman' was bonuses for that day, I'm really grateful that you can stay adorable till the day I met you last time. hhh. Life is definetely tough, but I'm positively think that you can go through it.Definetely! =3 I haven't check that origami website yet, but I guess it'll be such a thrilling website to sneak to. hehe. *I'll post it,guys, soon as I open it =3*
Maybe there's some-times when I think it's better not to have another memory with you, I really hope that you'll understand this (*you = some people) , I do really hope that you can understand how I feel, so can you just help come out from my own case? Maybe not by letting me do things in my own way but in the right way, I guess I'm not really walking in a right path in solving some things in my life. Maybe one or two of you may understand what I feel,what I think,or maybe you assume some things, I appreciate it. really =] It just... sometimes I just think I'm not good enough.really not good enough, I can't be that person, yes, that person who you need. and that's really way too frustating you know.hhhh.That's may be one of my reasons why I want to stop making great memories with you, because it's painful, can you please cure me from this pain then? I don't think I love to live this kind of life, maybe I'm recovering, but my wound is just like a bleeding one.touched and it'll bleed.Maybe that's also why I avoid people, I prefer not to get into somebody too deep because I'm scared.

I'm too afraid of those who are too good to me...
It's worse when you are not just good but incredibly too care about me...
It's not like I don't like to know what care is...
I don't know why, but till today, I end up hurting those people. =(
I'm sorry if you're one of them.

I'll stop my post here,it's almost 2am already and I'm defintely breaking my promise to someone.wkwkwk.=p
*I really hope he won't read this post because I've failed to make myself off to bed before one. hihi X3*


So,I guess I have to see my prince in my dreamland now? ;P

Don't be too good to me, can you?

and actually, I'm too stress to be treated as a sister, you know, can't I just be a friend? =3=

Sincerely to you,you, and you. =') 

New member in my granny's grandchildren list! XPPP